If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize