Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
