It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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