3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
