I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Randomize
