I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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