i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
