I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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