if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
