He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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