Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so let's talk penis.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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