We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
