I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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