she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Mom said you looked used
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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