It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
