like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
