I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
