Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
