ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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