When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
