Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
