I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
