I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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