Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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