Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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