He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
