Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
