FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
