I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
