The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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