so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We got so high we made milksteak
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
