I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
