so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
