Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
