wakey wakey hands off snakey
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
