I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Michael Bay diarrhea
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
