i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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