maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
