I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
