That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
