I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
