were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
