I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
