p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
