Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
