Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
