You smell like stripper and shame
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
