Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Randomize
