I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
