It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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